Judicial Misconduct Chili

Wash the beans carefully and soak them in enough salted water overnight to cover them by 2 inches. Bring to a boil and simmer the next day until tender (usually 2 to 3 hours).

Meanwhile, heat oil in a large, heavy skillet. Add the garlic, onions, bell peppers, and celery. Cook until the onions are clear. Remove and reserve.

Brown the coarse-ground beef and the pork shoulder in the skillet, cooking on high heat until thoroughly browned. Drain the fat, remove the meat, and reserve.

Place the reserved vegetables and meats in a large pot. Add all remaining ingredients (except the beer, masa harina, or beans), a little at a time, stirring and mixing thoroughly between additions.

Carefully bring the temperature up to a simmer. Cook covered on very low heat approximately 5 hours.

Adjust the consistency after 3 hours. If too thin, uncover and reduce by turning the heat (carefully) up slightly. If it is still not the desired consistency, add masa harina to thicken, or beer to thin, as needed.

Taste and adjust the spices carefully (the flavor will develop as the chili cooks). If it needs to be hotter, add just enough Louisiana hot sauce to taste.

Finally, and only if you absolutely must, add the cooked beans. A chili purist would jettison them without a second thought; if you want to serve the chili beanless, serve the beans on the side.